Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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