My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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