You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
