I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
