Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
