I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
