um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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