Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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