What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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