can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
