I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
