I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
