yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
