yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
