Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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