im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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