If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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