You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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