his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
