That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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