Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize