Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
