Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
