ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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