I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
