textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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