I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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