Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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