So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
