Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
