so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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