I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
