um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
