I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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