no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
