i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
