im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize