you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
