i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
