so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
