i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
