He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
