In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize