Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
