There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
