I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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