Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
