I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
