I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
