Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
