Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
