Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize