his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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