never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize