Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they need to just BURY HIM!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
