I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
