the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
