I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
