dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
