you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
