You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
third nipple confirmed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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