Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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