Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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