Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
