Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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