i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
