He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
