the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
