it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
