I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wish my penis had a tongue
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
