Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
