I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
