I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
