I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
