girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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